Should I leave her again?

Last March I had to take a leave from the Review center coz I need to attend to some things first, I thought I'll just be away for a few weeks but it turned out it's been almost 2 months now. Yeah, I haven't been back coz princess' nanny went back to her province for a vacation and she returned after the election. Why am I still not going back? Hmmm... Aside from the earlier post I made, it's actually the li'l princess I'm concerned about. Since I gave birth, I became a SAHM, I'm personally taking care of my princess, bathing, preparing food, feeding, up to the sterilizing of her bottles. I didn't have a nanny until I started attending my review classes. And that's the time she started losing weight, not getting a regular afternoon nap and she started watching the local noon time shows that I never let her see when I was the only one taking care of her, not to mention, she sometimes calls me "ate" (she calls her nanny ate). I'm sure if you're a mom like me, I wouldn't have to explain how devastating it is to see your daughter/son loose weight. For almost 2months she was able to gain weight & she sleeps regularly in the afternoon, of course she doesn't make the same mistake of calling her mom "ate" . Now that I'm about to go back to my review class, I'm holding back because she might lose weight again, my mind is being filled with lots of things that sure wouldn't encourage me to leave my princess to her nanny alone.

Wishing she's still here...

I got an email from my uncle last night, he sent me the latest photos of my cousins. I cried again when I saw their youngest daughter who is just the same age as my princess, I can't help but cry seeing their kids growing without their mom beside them. I can't imagine my daughter growing up without me. I know God has a plan but I just can't help it. I still feel bad about her leaving us so soon. I feel it every time I think of the family she left behind, Two daughters who are very dependent on her. I hope they live near us, at least we could help them, take turns in looking after them. Help them in any way we could. We can never replace what my aunt can do for them, but we can at least provide a little help to lessen their pain and their burden. It has been a year since my aunt came to her final rest but I still can't believe she's not with us anymore. I still miss her and I'm still wishing she's still here...

My Little Princess on her Summer Class

We enrolled our li'l princess on a summer class at Gymboree. It's a two-hour class of Play and Music. It was her fourth session today, usually at the start of class she would rather play and explore the area rather than following teacher's instructions but in a little while she'd always be on the first row to do what teacher says. Right after her first class (Play), her Music Class follows, her favorite part is when the teacher brings out some musical instruments for them to explore, not to mention the dancing and singing part. I just hope they'll open their branch at Trinoma coz it's definitely very near our place and I'd ask them to transfer my princess' files there so we could just attend there instead of going to Shangri La. I know my princess is enjoying every moment of her class eventhough she gets a little fussy at times.

Second thoughts...

Late last year, I discussed to hubby the idea of me pursuing my career outside the country, of course that would mean we all have to go and start a new life there. He agreed and were very supportive of me during my review, he provided everything that I needed, he even drop me off my review center and pick me up as well when he can. When we discussed it to some of our relatives and friends, they were very surprised with our decision. I've heard some of them said, "why do you need to do that when you can live a very comfortable life here?", others said, "it'll be very hard if you go coz there you'll do everything on your own". I got their point, I've thought about it too, I know It'll be very hard to start a new life there knowing that we got used to being comfortable in our own country and the idea that we will live far from our relatives is one thing that makes me really sad. But I wanted to do it for a reason that would benefit not only me but the whole family, for our precious angel's future. I know I have my personal reason, that is to fulfill my dream of having to pursue my real profession but most of all it's for my family's future I am more concerned about.

Last week while hubby and I are having a chat in our bedroom, he mentioned something that I wasn't expecting. I thought he's ready to leave and try a different journey, I thought I was able to convinced him. He said to me, "do we really need to go and try our luck there?" "We're living a comfortable life here, why should we give this up?" A moment of silence and my mind started to think of things I had planned. I replied to him and said "You know what, you're confusing my mind". I didn't know he was having second thoughts about us migrating. Now I'm confused, should I continue what I'm doing or should I just let him decide for us? I just told myself, I'll take the exam and if I pass, that's the time we will have to decide if we will go or we will stay.

I'm keeping this one

Although I've been blog-hopping for quite sometime, I haven't had my very own blog or should I say I can't maintain a blog which I will write on regularly. I finally decided that I'm keeping this one and I'll try to keep it updated as much as I can.